Earlier this week was Valentine’s Day. So, on the topic of love, let’s talk about the relationships we have – the ones we have with others and ourselves.
All of us, throughout our lives, will fall out or have disagreements with friends, colleagues, or acquaintances. It isn’t a fun experience, but it will happen to us on occasion.
You may have heard someone say the phrase to you that you need to ‘kiss and make up’ after you’ve fallen out with someone. This phrase means ‘to become friendly again after a fight or disagreement’.
No one wants to fight with and potentially lose someone they care about in their life. So, it would be a shame for a falling out, especially over something small, to ruin a good relationship. After having an argument or disagreement with someone, you might be worried that they don’t want to speak to you again or that it will be awkward. But, chances are they are thinking the same thing – so if you miss them and want to be friends again, try and rebuild your relationship.
There might be a variety of reasons for the falling out; it might be your fault, or it may be someone else’s. Whatever the situation is, it is still possible to rebuild the relationship. It is said that disagreeing can actually be a sign of a healthy relationship, especially if done considerately and respectfully.
So how can I rebuild my relationships?
Rebuilding a friendship can be difficult, but the good news is, in most cases, it is possible to reconcile a relationship even if one side seems unforgivable. You need to be willing to put in the work. Sometimes it all boils down to who the bigger person will be. Can you set your issues aside for the sake of your relationship?
Reflect on your disagreement and try and think about the ways you could resolve the disagreement. What is it that you want from the other person – an apology? Forgiveness? An understanding of why they did what they did? Or an opportunity to explain why you did what you did. Whatever the circumstances are, communication is key, and you need to try to avoid conflict to not make the situation worse. Now put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand the situation from their viewpoint. Does this change your opinion of the situation? Did you react appropriately and fairly? Do you have anything you want to apologise for?
One of the most important things you can do when rebuilding a relationship is to be honest with each other. Reach out to the person to ask to talk. When speaking to them to discuss the disagreement, admit what upset you or say sorry for what you did. Make sure you are honest and genuine – your friend will be able to tell if you are or not.
In most disagreements, there is most likely something each person did that they should apologise for. You need to say sorry and admit responsibility for what you did, not just make a generic apology. Saying sorry could encourage the other person to apologise too. However, depending on the severity of the disagreement, they may be unable to forgive you immediately. Apologising is an essential first step towards rebuilding the relationship, but it can take time. Be mindful that even though you have discussed the issue, the other person might need time and space to process all the information before they can forgive you.
Make sure you listen to the other person when discussing the disagreement. Use this opportunity to properly understand what the other person was feeling and what motivated their actions. Learning this can really help to piece all the information in your mind and make sense of what happened. In addition, understanding the other person’s mindset and vice versa can help find ways to rekindle the relationship.
The importance of self-care
It is too easy to fall out of love with oneself by criticising and not accepting oneself as we are. Self-love is so crucial towards our overall happiness. Rather than think about what you don’t like about yourself, think about what you like instead. Ask your friends and family what they like most about you, and then learn to love them about you too. Perfection doesn’t exist, so we need to accept our perceived flaws and change our mindset.
To find out more on this topic…
Listen to our ‘K is for Kiss’ podcast episode!
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